The Truth About Being a Single Parent
â€œThe wise woman builds her house: but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers downâ€. (Proverbs 14:1- NIV). This is the scripture I learned to lean on when I found myself raising 15 children alone. Unforeseen circumstances and sometimes situations will cause us to become a parent of â€œonenessâ€. Being a single parent is not a favorable place to be, but it is not an impossible position either. The word â€œWisdomâ€ became my closest friend. â€œHer ways are ways of pleasantness and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her, and happy is everyone that retainth herâ€. Proverbs 3:17-18
As a single mother raising 7 boys and 8 girls it was not an easy task. Each child is different yet unique in their own way. Learning the strengths and weakness of everyone can become very cumbersome and challenging. Whether you begin parenthood with a significant other, or the other parent decides being a fulltime parent is not working for them. Regardless of the reason, the child/children are always the affected ones.
As women God designed us to be compatible to the man. Meaning where God gave man physical strength he made woman to be the weaker. There is a compassionate and nurturing side to a woman also that allows us to love differently as well. Most single parents feel they can love enough for both parents. When John went home to be with the Lord, ten years ago leaving me alone with children ranging from 2 months to 14 years old, I thought I could be both mother and father. Boy was I wrong! Raising 7 sons was tough. Discussing the on going obstacles and body changes I found were problematic and intimidating. God did not intend for man/woman to be alone. Parenting was not created to be done as â€œoneâ€. Relationships, procreation and marriage all begin with two people becoming one. I have read several books, attended classes, sat in on conferences to find out that the only book I needed was the word of God. For all the questions I had it contained the answers. For questions that seemed like they had no answers, I learned to just accept what God allowed.
As a single mother, the truth is this; it is no picnic, walk in the park, or stroll through the mall. It is very demanding work. Not only do we face the challenges of the children, but we go through chaotic changes also. â€œHow do we care for our children now,â€? Going from two incomes to one is significantly the greatest hurdle to jump. Reality and responsibilities wrap around ones neck like a â€œnooseâ€. Job, bills, and children all began to become suffocating. Emotions such as, stress, tension, fear, anxiety, loneliness, depression, anger, low self esteem, lack of confidence and confusion all becoming gripping in the single parentâ€™s life. I had to remember that my children were a cross between two parents not one. Therefore both traits and characteristics are embedded in all of our children. Loving them unconditional and â€œtough loveâ€ for some has allowed our relationship to grow stronger.
Being a single parent taught me that raising my children was not a â€œdress rehearsalâ€. When they cried into the world it was the â€œreal dealâ€. There were no re runs or no one there to say â€œTake 5â€! You will discover that you are many people all â€œrolled upâ€ into one in the lives of your children. Several hats to where, but only one head. Because of this proven fact women have mastered multi tasking to a science.
As time moves on, with Gods assistance you will learn to embrace being single, saved and satisfied. I stayed before the Lord consistently because I knew that my satisfaction was in him. Struggling and sacrificing seemed to become all I knew for a season. Crying out to God to â€œheal my landâ€. After searching for love, friendship, companionship, and conversation the conclusion was this, I needed God to fill me with the â€œfruits of the spiritsâ€. Dealing with new dating issues, and starting over became overwhelming. Wanting to maintain virtue, dignity and pride as a single mother was very important to me. As I over came the â€œsingle parentâ€ obstacles, I learned that God was everything I needed him to be. I trusted him and found that his word is true.
My desire and hopes were not to let my children lack in any area of there lives. I never wanted them to feel inferior to the child that was raised by both parents. Children that are raised by single parental homes are sometimes stereotyped as imbalanced or neglected. The truth is they donâ€™t all fall through the cracks of society. With lots of love, support and encouragement they can be stronger, more career minded, success driven, productive individuals. If it takes a village to raise one child, that proves the fact that single parents posses more strength than the village because they are doing it alone!
About the Author
Evangelist Daphne DorseyÂ was called into the ministry 25 years ago. Daphne hails from the Maryland D.C. area. Â She graduated from Southern Senior High School and went to further her education at Washington Schools for Secretaries. Â Daphne was a wife and mother of 15 beautiful children! Â She is an Author, Visionary, Motivational speaker, and Encourager to single mothers, widowers, teenage girls, and troubled teenage boys. Â Hosting a womenâ€™s ministry called, W.O.W. – Women of Word Ministries, nursing homes and prison ministry are also areas that she serves.