Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman
You say it will never happen to you and thenâ€”BAMâ€”â€œchildren behaving badlyâ€ slaps you right in the face! Your 5-year-old pitches a fit at the grocery store while giving you the â€œMom, I dare you to do anything hereâ€ glare. Your mouthy16-year old thinks the world revolves around her and has a teenage-tantrum when you arenâ€™t willing to fund her lifestyle. Thereâ€™s good newsâ€¦you can have a new kid by Friday!
But thereâ€™s a catchâ€”you! You are the key to changing your childâ€™s thinking and actions and transforming his attitude, behavior and character. Here are the 10 steps to have a new kid by Friday:
10. Be 100 percent consistent in your behavior.
If youâ€™re going to retrain your kidâ€”and yourselfâ€”you have to behave differently. Your kid needs to know you mean business.
9. Always follow through on what you say you will do.
No matter the circumstances, what you say is what you do. Never, ever back down. It wonâ€™t gain you or your child anything. In fact, itâ€™ll put in an adversarial position with your child, who will wonder, â€œHey, when is she serious, and when isnâ€™t she?â€
8. Respond, donâ€™t react.
Use actions, not words. Flying loose with your words will only gain you trouble. So close your mouth, think and respond to the situation rather than reacting to it.
7. Count to 10 and ask yourself, â€œWhat would my old self do in this situation? What should the new me do?â€
Letâ€™s say the siblings in your home have been going after each other for nine years. What do you usually say and do? What will the new you do differently?
6. Never threaten your kids.
The problem with threats is that our children know we donâ€™t mean them, because we rarely follow through on them. Even more, our threats often donâ€™t make sense!
For the rest of this great article, be sure to purchase the Jan-Feb 2012 issue of Gospel Today!
|This article is a "GT Connext" exclusive. To read the printed companion article, please purchase the Jan-Feb 2012 issue of Gospel Today.|
5 Parenting Doâ€™s & Donâ€™ts
1. Do NOT do for them what they can and should do for themselves.
You think youâ€™re helping but youâ€™re really sending a negative message: â€œI think youâ€™re so stupid that you canâ€™t do it yourself, so Iâ€™ll do it for you.â€
2. Do NOT repeat your instructions.
Saying it once actually increases your chance that you will be heard and your instructions followed. Repeating makes kids â€œmommy-deaf.â€
3. DO expect the best of them.
Every child lives up to the expectation you have for him. Realize that â€œthe bestâ€ differs based on the activity, the age of your children and their specific talents.
4. Do NOT praise them.
â€œYou look so cute in that skirt.â€ â€œYou got an A in math. Youâ€™re so smart.â€ Praise links a childâ€™s worth to what she does. Over time a child thinks, â€œUh-oh, if I donâ€™t do something â€˜goodâ€™ all the time, then Iâ€™m not worth anything and Mom and Dad wonâ€™t love me.â€
5. DO encourage them.
Encouragement emphasizes the act and not the person. It seems subtle but it makes a huge difference. Instead of praising, encourage their behavior, â€œThat skirt looks really good on you. Great choice.â€ Or â€œI know you studied hard for that math test. Good job!â€