Do Christian Men WANT to Get Married?
July 10, 2011 by Admin
Filed under Gospel Today Features, Relationships
Q. Is there a difference in the desire for marriage between Christian men and women?
We asked three “Singles Ministry†leaders this question…
Shanick Moore,
Divine Wholeness Singles Ministry
The Cathedral International. Perth Amboy, NJ
Bishop Donald Hilliard Jr., Senior Pastor
Kelly Mikel Williams
Singles Ministry
Greater Mt. Calvary Holy Church, Washington, D.C.
Archbishop Alfred A. Owens, Jr., Senior Pastor
Deborah Watkins
S.T.Y.L.E. (Singles Taking Your Life to Excellence)
This is Pentecost Ministries, Sacramento, CA
Pastor Tamara Bennett, Senior Pastor
When it comes to single adults, are there differences between men and women in terms of their desire to be married?
Deborah: Yes. Women are more eager to connect with their future spouses. Marriage is the next big step that our women look forward to! They have successful and rewarding careers, higher education and marriage is the next logical evolution.
Men want to marry as well, but they are more realistic with the concept of marriage as opposed to women who are sometimes idealistic.
Women are into the wedding, dress and concepts associated with marriage and sometimes downplay the real deal (character and incompatibility issues) associated with relationships.
Men are much more cautious of marriage because of the high divorce rate. Men scrutinize every aspect of marriage because they want it to last forever and they believe that most people marry too quickly. One person said “that they would rather remain happy and single than be married and miserable.â€
Kelly: In our ministry, unfortunately there seems to be a huge gap in the desire for marriage among men and women. Most men seem to be content in their singleness, whereas most women seem to have no contentment whatsoever. For the women, they are counting the days and watching the clock. I know of a few women who’ve expressed to me that they needed to get married. Some expressed this feeling as a result of their desire to have children while others were simply tired of waiting on God to deliver. One young lady in particular mentioned to me that she has suggested to a young man that since neither of them was getting any younger, that they should date so that they could eventually marry and have kids.
Another saved, sanctified, and Holy Ghost filled young lady said that she is considering moving to another state because she can’t find a man where she lives. The men, on the other hand aren’t watching the clock, nor are they considering moving to find a mate. In fact, I don’t know if they are even looking at the women. I mean I know that there are a few of us who are seeking that “helpmeet†and desire a relationship, but I know a number of guys that aren’t in any way seeking to find a mate (at least this is what they say).
It would seem to me that if God made Adam and birthed Eve out of him, that there would be a whole lot more Adams looking for their Eve, than Eve looking for her Adam.
Shanick: In our ministry I don’t find that there’s a difference in the desire for marriage between men and women; however I do find differences in the preparation for marriage between the two.
The majority of the men I talk with want to be married and want to have children, but they go through a different process and preparation to getting to the point of marriage. They have to know without a doubt that the woman is the “one,†and they have no problem with taking their time before making that decision. Most men also want to be financially secure or have completed a certain level of success prior to getting married.
I have also found that many Christian men struggle with the idea of not experiencing their mate sexually prior to marriage, with the fear of not being pleased after the I DO. On the other hand, in my experience, when a woman has a strong desire to get married, that desire can direct her emotions and decisions in dating and selecting a mate.
When it comes to finding/selecting a mate, there are many levels of communication, submission, faith, and trusting God that must be addressed:
Many women arrive at the “I’m ready†phase without really understanding all that is needed to build the type of foundation necessary to make a marriage successful. There are many levels of healing that must be done to truly be able to experience the love that God had in mind for us.
Singles Ministries have to continue to address the differences in how men and women think, respond, and communicate.
What do you think? Are you part of a Singles Ministry? Is it effective? If you’re NOT in a Singles Ministry… WHY NOT?
This is foolishness. If any woman feels that she has to move out of state to find a man….she has bigger problems than needing or wanting a mate. She (like many others) need to trust God, learn to wait on Him, and use this time to work on the “us†during the waiting period. A lot of women are not content with their relationship with the Father and therefore their flesh is out of control. As for many men…there is no need to marry when our churches have become the easiest place to get find premartial sex with no commitments. Why buy the cow? When the milk and the everything that comes along with the cow is free. Whether it be a man or woman it is this simple if a man don’t want to marry then he is not in the will of God, and if a woman isn’t virtuious then she is living beneath her purpose.
Enough said…Ron is right on!
I am no longer single but when I was, I did not desire marriage enough to do just about anything to get married. I truly believe that your level of spirituality determine how you will feel about the subject or desire to be married as a single individual. When I was single the only thing I could think about is what else can I do to build the Kingdom of God. I know it was my level of spirituality that allowed me to carry myself in such a manner. I was too in love with Jesus to worry about getting married. There was just too much work to do. I had a aunt who never got married and it is not that she never wanted to, but because she was so in love with Jesus and doing His work, it never troubled her. Jesus was enough. As single men and women you have to remember the scripture that says “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God”. When you truly seek him first then everything else will be added on you (marriage, children, and other desires of your heart, etc).
I put God first in my life as a single woman and the power and anointing that he bestowed upon me was awesome. I was free to answer to God alone and with marriage you have to share your time with you mate and God. Enjoy the single life, this is the only time you can truly give God everything you have. I love my husband with my entire being, but I love God first with my entire soul, mind, and spirit and I wish to do even more for him. Dont ever get tired of waiting on him. If he never gives you a mate, then think to yourself that God loves you that much more He wants to keep you for himself to do a mighty work in Him.
Believe if we Obey The Word, live a life in Obedience to The Word and desire to Marry and Pray , seek The Lord and prepare Our selves for Marriage We Believe it will happen. For a Woman to move out of State to find a mate is not Biblical. A Man is to find the Woman . If we obey The Word , The Spirit of The Lord will lead us in positions to receive what we should receive.
Don’t agree with moving to another state to find a mate unless that is where God has work for me to do and there are vocation options to support the move.
@ Shanick, I’ve heard the debate about experiencing your mate,physically before marriage. What about having tests prior to sex with anyone? Is worth it to go through that process testing and building trust over and over again?
Ron~ Amen! Well said. And enough said.
This has been a very interesting topic to ponder. The typical thought is that women are the ones that want to get married and men don’t. I’m a single Christian female by choice. I don’t have strong desire to get married and I don’t feel as though I’m sinning by desiring a life that is not tied to another by marriage or that my life is less or even that singleness is God’s divine calling on my life. It just is what it is.
I find it interesting to read and hear other people’s responses to singleness as there are a vast array of opinions and experiences. There are many reasons why people are single, sometimes it is the knowledge of God’s desire for them, sometimes it’s that they haven’t found the right person, sometimes it’s because of fear or bad past experience or even witnessing unwholesome relationships, sometimes it’s just because they don’t want to get married, sometimes it’s because they don’t have the resources available etc etc. My point is, there’s a lot of reasons why people are single. It’s not all about spiritulity or lack or sin or insanity.
Ron is correct. The opposite of “the Cow” thing is why eat the whole pig when all you want is a piece of sausage. Our women have become so desperate for “having a man” or getting married that we have put God on hold and gone the way of our flesh. My beloved sistahs..the word of God says “He” who finds a wife findeth a good thing. Nowhere does it say “She” who finds. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart. He is out there looking for you. Your job is to be ready when he shows up. The enemy has distorted us with images of what we want in a wedding…”bridzilla’s, platimum weddings, say yes to the dress…but no where is there any talk of what a “covenant marriage” is or any counsel on how serious this major step is. We could go on and on..but in the words of my beloved grandma..Trust God.
I really don’t think that anybody really wants to get married these days.. and I am talking about all of the aspects of marriage. Let’s be honest, most Christians want to get married because they know that fornication is not of God.. and you cannot have a holy relationship with God if you are fornicating. Most young women and men I talk with have no clue what real marriage is all about. Most of the women just want the “pretty” and expensive wedding dress, rigomoror that comes with weddings. Most men get into a situation that they can’t get out of because they experienced each other prior to marriage and then a family comes first. C’mon, being a Chrisitan means being real and knowing the real things that are happening in the world. Some men also get to have relations with the woman prior to marriage, so why get married? it happens with the saints to… not just people in the world! If every man and woman was a virgin, then more marriage would happen because people know that they can’t until marriage… I know alot of men in my family give their woman a “shut-up” ring… this means I will give you a ring and make you think I am going to marry you so you can shut up.. but this gives us the right to have sex before the wedding… it is a scary and weird thing, but it is happening…. If there is a man that wants real marriage and committment, he better run because every woman in the kingdom will be knocking on his door.
I apologize, I already said something, but I was reading and saw something that a fellow person said about relationships with their father and how it affects your behavior. Sir, I grew up without my father and I can honestly say that I didn’t have a positive relationship with him, but that wasn’t his fault and I can say that. My father wasn’t a good son to allow himself to be fathered. My father hated his mother and grew up hating his wife. When his daughters came along he tried to kill and hurt them. He had sons and didn’t provide the fathering they needed. I can embrace that now with the help of the Lord and understand that he was not a husband or father and this is why he did not do a good job. I don’t hate men because of his mistakes. I conversate with him and tell him that he is forgiven for the things that happened but he needs to apologize to his seed and admit that he wasn’t a father and tell his wife that he wasn’t a good husband. This didn’t affect my life with men because I am a virgin. I don’t jump from bed to bed… there is no satisfaction in that and that type of behavior is for lost individuals… so, I am sorry I beg to differ with you about that. Some men in the church that run from bed to bed have issues that they won’t deal with.. lack of respect for women or low self esteem in their achievements. Also society teaches that manhood is in the pants, wrong! A good man loves and serves God, respects his mother and other women, and earns a living and takes care of himself… so, I am sorry I had to say this because people are always sayiing this about women, but not all women or men are the same.
What happen to Christians following the scripture “he who finds a wife”, etc.? Why are females so deseparate to “find a man”? I’m late 50′s, divorced over 30 years and I do desire to remarry, but the next go-round i want the Lord to send him my way and both of US be prepared to enter into HOLY MATRIMONY! And another thing, I see in the “church” couples saying there are “ENGAGED” for months/years and can’t commit to marriage but want to same priviledges as married couples….WOW! Don’t get me started on church folk “shacking”, that’s another sermon!
The question is….”Do Christian Men Want to get married???”
The answer is clearly, yes! As an African American Male I remember the first thing on my priority list was… to get married. However, over the years my desires have changed, my values have changed, my attraction to my “ideal” person has changed, and the world has changed. Now the the only thing that hasnt changed is God. God still wants us to be honorable, God still wants us to love one another, and God still wants us to serve one another. We still have to mature into good sons and daughters, men and women, and then husbands and wives.
But are we forgetting about being brothers and sisters in Christ, are we forgetting about being friends. Being a brother and sister means to share fellowship in the Spirit. However so many of us hold to our own standards of what “I” believe rather than sharing and growing in the Spirit together, and growing in Knowledge together. Hence we become puffed up, full of our self, having a form of Godliness but denying the power thereof. We deny the truth of God working through us….through one another. Jesus says, “he that receives a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous mans reward.” That reward may be the gift of Holy Matrimony.
Yet we must both do one thing, remember the Love of God.
#www.michealking.com
true, very, true.
Yes, the Word of God says that he that finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from God. But how can he find it (wife) if he is still asleep. God put Adam to sleep, created Eve from his rib, then woke him up and then BOOM, there she was. Alot of today’s men are still asleep, or the women haven’t “inhaled” the True breath of God–meaning some are unrealistic.
@Eric—so right on and true.
You know, the bible says, God is not mocked–so if you think you can justify sleeping around, giving or wearing a ring so you can fornicate-behold the day of the Lord! Heaven and earth will pass away befor one Word of God will.
It’s either holiness or hell, you choose.
As for me, i was out there too, but thanks be to God for opening my eyes and seeing the TRUTH. I am happily single (divorced) and ministering the Word of God and loving every bit. My FLESH is crucified and i keep it under subjection, but MY desire is to please the Father (Matt 6:33) at all times. Therefore, i am in a committed relationshp and there’s no pressure to marry.
Introspectively search your heart and soul, talk with the Father and Holy Spirit. They will not lead you astray.
I’m a single female member of Greater Mt. Calvary Holy Church in Washington, DC. We had a Singles’ meeting just last Saturday and the consensus was that not all women at GMCHC or desperate or ‘can’t wait ‘ to get marrried. I’ve been married before and have no children. I always wanted children and expected to re-marry. Maybe I will and maybe I won’t, it is God’s will for me. I am single and content in my present journey. I have a full life with friends, business, community, church and volunteer work. I date when an interested man asks me on a date that I also have an attraction. I am enjoying the single journey and if or when I marry, I will embrace marriage also. I’m a mature single woman and secure enough to not ‘need’ a man but desire a man to be help-meet to him. I believe the woman’s task as a virtuous woman is to embrace and uplift her man to encourage him to be the man that God wants him to be. When the man loves God first he will then know how to embrace , protect and nurture the woman as his wife.I enjoy alone time with myself and also time with others doing the simple things of life. I make sure that I reach out to others who may be alone to share some fun activities. I’m new to the area but have made some in-roads to meet new people with netwrorking and community activities. I expect to be pursued by a man because I realize that God made all of his daughters ‘a treasure’ to be found.