HELP! MY CHILDREN ARE RUINING MY MARRIAGE.
March 27, 2011 by Admin
Filed under Gospel Today Features, Relationships
A FEWS WEEKS AGO, I COUNSELED TWO TEENAGERS (UNDER THE AGE OF 16) WITH SIX SUICIDE ATTEMPTS BETWEEN THEM.
Their parents were desperate to get help. These kids were suffering from severe mental health issues but the toll of their behavior on their parents’ relationship was equally devastating.
According to a recent New York Times article, nearly 6 million children living in the U.S. have been diagnosed with a variety of mental disorders or psychiatric issues. Couples coping with these children experience strained relationships that can range from frustration to divorce (Denise Wang, www.livestrong.com).
So what should parents do when their relationship is falling apart because of a child who is suffering from physical or mental illness, or chooses to use illegal drugs, or gets entangled with the legal system. The Bible tells us to…“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it†(PROVERBS 22:6).
But what happens when the “training†derails?
Here are some helpful tips:
1. ACKNOWLEDGE THE STRESS—Talk with your spouse about the impact your child’s behavior is having on your relationship. Break the silence and discuss ways to eliminate the stress.
2. GET HELP—Get counseling for the entire family. In many instances, your children are crying out for help. Their behavior is seen as volatile, self-destructive, immoral and defiant. However, many times that child is wrestling with mental health is- sues and needs the help of a professional.
3. BECOME MORE UNITED—Communicate, agree and work together. Don’t play the “blame game.†Parents who are not on the same ‘page’ when it comes to disciplining or addressing the needs of a troubled or special child often experience marital strain.
Gospel Today Columnist
Lisa M. Tait, M.A., M.Div., D.Min.,
Serves as an Adjunct Professor at the ITC, a pastoral counselor and co-host of Relationship Thursday on Praise 102.5 FM (Radio One). She is author of
Women of Destiny: Five Principles For Pursuing Your Purpose in God. Visit her at www.drtait.com
This was a great article. So many times Christian parents hide behind the scripture when it comes to raising their children. When should be raising them with the Word of God and instilling it in their hearts through examples of it working in our lives. When they have failed to make the right choices we must love them and not loose faith in the Word of God. We must remeber the Word of God saids that we should train them in the way that they SHOULD go not that they will be there in the beginning.
I agree with the other persons who have commented thus far. While it is of the utmost importance as people of faith to rely on scripture and a higher power, it is just as important to utilize the resources afforded to us by way of professional counseling and intervention.
As a Christian, Marriage & Family Therapist, I can speak with confidence that there are numerous behavioral health care professionals like myself who are guided by the Word of God first and foremost as we seek to provide the best possible care to families and individuals who are facing such crisis. For families in this very unfortunate situation, pleas pray and seek God’s guidance to wise counsel and to someone who has your mental and spiritual well-being in mind. Also, check with in your area for credentialed behavioral health care professionals or the web for therapists and psychologists who are doing the Lord’s work to help restore families back to health.
Very informative article. Thanks for highlighting the issue. Very often parents are afraid to ask for help for fear of being judged as bad parents when in fact it’s just the opposite. The more this issue gets discussed I think the more comfortable parents will be seeking help.
Quite right! It seems to me it is very good idea. Completely with you I will agree.