When a Spouse is Unfaithful, Can YOU Forgive?
February 6, 2011 by Admin
Filed under Relationships
According to the Centers for Disease Control, more than 3 million women are, or have been wives or girlfriends of men who secretly have sex with other men.
The New York Times reports 20% of America’s gay men in are in heterosexual marriages and that least 50% of the gay men in America have fathered children – an indication that many gay/bisexual men have active sex lives with their wives.
Sexual betrayal is difficult. In the cases of marriage, it not only affects the spouse, the entire family is damaged. Is there forgiveness for someone who has been sexually unfaithful in a relationship? Read an excerpt of one woman’s true story being married to her husband who lived life on the down low. Could you forgive someone who caused you this much pain? Ingrid Michelle’s story will cause you to think…
Life AFTER the Down Low: One Woman’s True Story
BY INGRID MICHELLE
“Some say they would’ve killed him. Others declare they would have gone insane. Most remained silent, watching with baited breath as the details un- folded, not certain of which side of the fence to be on.
After nearly 12 years of marriage, I learned that my husband–a youth pastor, teacher, principal, mentor and father, was living a double life as a homosexual and was accused of being a serial child molester.
After the numbness wore off, the pain set in bringing along its travel companions—depression, anger and resentment. But I decided to pick up the pieces of my life and start over.
It was tough. I had never imagined life as a single mother, especially with a special needs child. That wasn’t what I signed up for – especially after having gone through the adoption process to get our son. It was obviously a road that the Lord knew I would be able to traverse well—alone.
I wasn’t ignorant to the spirit and destruction behind “the down low.†I was well aware that it had become a pandemic in our society but I was oblivious to the fact that it was smiling in my face and sleeping in my bed.
Only months before my personal discovery, a close friend died after being infected with AIDS by her boyfriend. In hindsight, it was apparent that only those women who had been unexpectantly inducted in such a sordid sorority could understand the journey to healing. I was among the newest members.
I likened the loss of my seemingly “well-put-together†marriage to an untimely death. The devastation manifested it- self in every area imaginable— spiritual, emotional, physical, financial and psychological. Although I never questioned God, I abused myself for being unable to see the train coming before the wreck. My only recourse was to take matters into my own hands—literally— in order to pursue my peace (Psalm 34:14). While penning “Life AFTER the Down Low,†my personal memoir, I was able to identify in every chapter, with the “stages of grief.†With each stroke of the pen, I strategically broke through the walls of despair, eventually tapping into wholeness, layer by layer.
The devil’s desire was to kill, steal and destroy my life and he used a man who claimed to love the Lord and me. But Jesus clearly came so that I could have life – more abundantly (John 10:10).
Every day is a new day for my son and me. God has shown Himself faithful in restoring all that was stolen from us. Have I forgotten? NO! Have I forgiven! YES!â€
After the pain Ingrid pursued peace (Psalm 34:14). What about you! Realistically, how would you respond in this situation? Could you forgive the other person or would you choose to just move on with your life?
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Amen, I would forgive. Without forgivness then there wouldn’t be any healing on the victims part. She’s now free from the bondage of unforgiveness which would’ve killed her and not allowed her to move forward. I thank you for this testimony for without a test there is no testimony. TGBTG!!!!1
I was able to forgive when I faced the truth. We grow up in the church thinkng we have some kind of protection from life or people. It took me years to forgive but through faith and lot of praying I was set free
I would choose to forgive because I know how destructive unforgiveness can be in a person’s life. Easier said than done but forgiveness is possible. I have never been married or gone through anything like this but I can only imagine the hurt. I pray that God will continue to move in the life of this woman and her son. But I also pray that her ex-husband is set free from the bondages of this type of stronghold. And that the root of the issue has been dealt with. In Jesus’ Name!!
Forgive and move on with your life because even if they cheat with a woman and you get back together the marriage will never be the same. Once the trust is broken it will take years to repair it. There will always be reminders of the affair and only God can heal a broken heart.
Wow!!! This had to be devastating for my sister and defintely a rocky road to travel. I have read this same scenario over and over, the last couple of years and even watched the movie “Covered” whose plot was about a down low husband. Each story tells of a wife, mother, and women of God who went through the struggle and learned how to forgive. However, I do believe that their journey to forgiveness must have been long and hard; but with GOD all things are possible. Amen, Amen, Amen
Forgiving and letting go is a hard pill to down. I will forgive you 1 time. But what do you do when he keeps cheating? You don’t have to go on the Jerry Springer or Mowry’s lie detector test to find out if your hubby is cheating. I ponder, how do you just walk away with the shirt on your back when you just signed the deed to the home, or enrolled the kids in school, just come back from a lavish vacation, coupled up in church every Sunday, the list goes on. It’s a nightmare living under the same roof with a constant cheater. I could go on and on.. You know, I just got finished reading a heart-wrenching book “Lily in the Valley” by Samone D. Darden she tells her personal story about her adulterous marriage and how she overcome. Are you willing to walk away from everthing and trust God Almighty?
I think this would be very hard for me. I value intimacy and I would feel terrible if my husband went to another women for intimacy. I am a virgin and I want to get married someday! I hope and pray that the man that God has for me will respect me as a virgin and know that if God kept me, he to should keep himself, before and after marriage. I feel that a couple should be mature enough to sit down and say, “Sweetheart or Honey, I am not satisified with our sex life!” or ” Baby, can we try something different in the bedroom?” I would respect my husband and get the feeling from this question that maybe we are getting bored with the usual. I am mature enough to handle constructive criticism… If my husband sits me down very nice and calm and can discuss what is lacking in our sex life, I would be open to listen. At least, he is being honest and want to have more with his wife, and not go out and ask someone else to scratch his itch! Plus, there are too many diseases out here and if he did, I would not file for divorce, but he would not touch me anymore.
It would be devasting if I found out my wife was with someone else. It’s a very difficult subject to discuss without feeling hurt and loss of trust. There is a stage play in my area being broadcast on the radio “What My Husband Doesn’t Know” every hour. It seems that for a lot of women, its understandable when a female steps out of the relationship. As if she needed a brief escape. Men are known to be dogs or scoundrels when they commit these acts. Neither is correct because someone is hurt. But why am I not hearing an outcry against shows like this?