How to Date and Stay Saved
November 15, 2010 by Admin
Filed under Gospel Today Features, Relationships
By Kim Brooks
Many singles have the desire to glorify God in their dating relationships, they simply don’t know how. They engage in deeply intimate relationships with others, which only leads to disappointment, heartache and pain, while leaving God totally out of the equation.
In today’s world, is it possible to date someone, fall in love and eventually marry without actually “trying them out†(in the bedroom) beforehand? In other words, is it possible for two Christians to date and stay saved? My answer is emphatically, “Yes!â€
4 ways to date and “stay saved.â€
1. DATE TO ENCOURAGE DIALOG Dating means collecting data. Instead of focusing on how fine she is, or how he makes you feel, focus on collecting data about the
2. DATE IN PUBLIC Avoid spending so much “alone†time dating at each other’s crib, especially at night. Set a curfew as to when the other person has to leave and stick to it. I don’t care how saved and sanctified you are, two people who are attracted to each other and, on top of that, are both saved create a “chemistry†which may set off fireworks at any given moment. So take a trip to the zoo, museum, or even an amusement park. Give no place to the devil by dating at home, “late in the midnight hour.â€
3. SEEK FRIENDSHIP FIRST Many married couples attest that it is their â£
4. SET BOUNDARIES UP FRONT Tell the person you’re dating up front your limits and boundaries. Set the abstinence expectation before you even begin to seriously date. Ladies, tell him that you’re abstinent and that your relationships do not involve sex.
Most times, this statement will either scare the counterfeit Christians away or make
the sincere believers stay. Use your testimony, the fact that you’re abstinent now, in spite of your past, as a way to weed out “Boaz†from “Bozo.â€
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Dating and being Saved is so difficult to do, but we must do it. I am currently in a relationship and I really like the guy that I am dating, but I upfront told him that if touches me or I touch him. The relationship is over. Although I am a mother of 1 child Christ still accepted me and I allowed Christ to change my entire life. Save the bedroom for the night you get married. If you meet a person and you find your not really focusing on God Commands and reading your Bible like you were before you met the person your dating. Then you might want to think about rather or not if you should be dating this person. Keep someone around that you will not put God 2nd. Let God be in control of your relationship. Keep in mind Sex is too easy. finding a mate that truly loves and obeys the Lord is hard to find.
I agree with a good amount of this article. It is just a shame that in this society, young people do not have a desire to know each other. Everything in this present time is texting, facebook, my space, and all of these methods of communication. I know some young people that text so much they can’t even carry on a regular conversation with the opposite sex because they are not used to one-on-one contact. Many young people do not understand that dating is to collect data, and that is the reason why they should not get involved. Many adults don’t understand that concept either. I am learning more about you because I want to know if we are compatible. Well, I have a sort of topic for Gospel Today concerning this topic. The Bible does not give instructions about dating, so are’t we out of line when it come to this. Tbe Bible says,” he that findth a wife findth a good thing”. Why are we dating if this man prayed and God told him that we are to be together? We don’t have to seek compatiblility, we are already in the will of God. I am not sure with this topic because many pastors have told me that God is not going to come to me with the answer, he is going to tell the man. This man will come to me and then God will give us women discernment regarding the man. help me with this. I am 33years old and single. I am not sure how this works.
Shantel, the advice given in this feature is very well put. I’ve been married for 31 years this year and I have to tell you it is pretty close to how my wife and I dated. However, it was a little different for us because God seemed to create the circumstances which drew us together… similar spiritual upbringings, our fathers were both ministers, we were born on the same day (yes we are the same age), in the same hospital, only hours apart. The biggest thing is that we became FRIENDS in high school and it developed from there.
From a child I had examples of faithful married men and women in my life, my grandparents on both sides of the family, my parents and my in-laws, all of which never divorced regardless of the circumstances and challenges they faced. So as young man I always had it in my mind that someone I liked was a potential wife. Today because of the change in how people are raised this may not be the case for the average man.
Every man that comes to you (in today’s society) may not necessarily be coming to you with marriage in mind. So it is up to you as a woman to look for quality when approached to be dated. There is nothing wrong with a woman getting to know who she is dating BEFORE things get serious. If you can’t be friends before a serious relationship, the chances are slim after you get too involved and your mind is clouded by infatuation (or lust if you let it go that far). Lust burns like a match stick. It bursts into a big flame, burns down and goes out. All you have is what is left. If you were not friends before the flame-out there may be nothing left.
Find out how he was raised and what kind of relationship he has with his parents. Are his parents still together? What kind of work ethic does he have? What are his spiritual beliefs? Does he believe in divorce? In my opinion these are important things to know. In my case, because of how we were raised, neither of us believed that divorce was an option. Its these kinds of common beliefs that keep us focused. Having basic beliefs and goals in common is important to a lasting relationship. We are VERY different but our foundations are common.
You can find out what things you have in common by either directly discussing them or by being very observant. If after a few public dates you have the opportunity to “meet the parents”, that will already tell you that his parents are together (but not whether they have been re-married or not of course). I’m not trying to be offensive about what a person expects. Some of these things I said may paint me as being intolerable to people that have made mistakes. I am not. I am just saying that you need to know for yourself what you expect from someone and they also need to know what you expect of them. If any of your expectations scares a con artist away then so be it! We cannot depend on dreams and visions for everything. We have to use everything that God has given us (i.e. – common sense, intuition, spiritual discernment, whatever).
Sometimes attraction is mutual and immediate. Sometimes its not. When I first got to know my “wife to be” I was not necessarily attracted to her and she was not necessarily attracted to me (or at least she never told me she was). We were just two people that got to know each other from school and became friends sometimes taking the same classes. God had a plan for us to be together. We can’t control what God plans. What looks like a common happening could just as easy be God working through divine providence. I made the first move by asking her to the prom and the rest is history.
I REALLY ENJOYED THIS ARTICLE. GREAT TIPS, THANK YOU SO MUCH
This article How to Date and Stay Saved is definitely needed for the body of Christ today. There is so much sexual corruption going on in the world & in the church.Living a lifestyle of holiness & sexual purity is possible. Christians need to know that “dating” is not a bad word. You need to date someone & get to know them (their family values, spiritual beliefs,mental stability, etc) before making a choice to pursue a commitment.You have to always pray & ask God to reveal that person’s true character to you, so that you will make the right decision. The problem with today’s society is that men/women do not know how to be friends. They want to jump right into a relationship without gathering data about that person. It all boils down to you have to be equally yoked in order for the relationship to prosper.
@ Shantel:I recommend that you read Kim Brooks book “How to Date & Stay Saved” as well as Tony Evan’s mini book: Tony Evans Speaks out on “Being Single & Satisfied”. I’m 27 years old & single so I can identify with you. The most difficult part is the waiting..waiting on the Lord to send you the right man.Our focus as single women is to seek God & not a mate. One of my favorite quotes from Tony Evan’s BS&S is “You don’t need to find the right one. You need to connect with the One who knows where the right one is”. I hope this helps you!
I know that we are to delight ourselves in God first and he will give us the desires of our heart. In knowing that the flesh is weak, I am mindful not to put myself in situations where I will be tempted in the flesh. I was married once before while living in the world and must admit, did not grasp the full spiritual concept of marriage as a union. Now that I am a divorcee of twenty-eight years with three grown sons, I truly desire to re-marry now that I am born again. What I believe is that I am complete and whole as a single woman and I also believe that God apparently has more work for me to do. Being single allows me to focus more on him.
Enjoyed this article much needed advice to help christians develop Godly relationships without Sex before marriage….Over the years God has given me the Wisdom to seek qualities that will last. Only God can show us what to look for in a mate…
I would love to see a article for the dating seniors. People over 50 still have the desire for healthy relationships but most articles I see are geared for the young and single. I would even venture to say a great means of meeting and communicating would be great for the “Nifty 50″ single and saved group who would like to meet others within their age group.
Thank you